The Staples of a Happy Marriage

Brent Crouch

 

All strong, healthy marriages have these four traits in common: love, communication, companionship and trust. After the initial rush of romance, it's easy for couples to drift apart as the day-to-day grind takes its toll on the relationship. When two people spend so much time together, it's not unfathomable that they might begin to take one anther for granted and lose sight of what first attracted them so much to the other.

It takes effort and patience on both sides, but it is possible to maintain or re-create a strong sense of connection and teamwork with your spouse. The following four tips can boost any relationship, whether it's a newly minted marriage or a union that has lasted for decades.

Communication is Key

A communications breakdown can often be the deathblow to a relationship. Couples need to be open and honest with each other while really listening to what the other has to say. Burying anger inside or sidestepping important discussions will cripple communication, ultimately creating a schism between the two of you. If this is the case in your marriage, you need to rediscover communication at once.

Mixed messages and misunderstandings are often at least partly to blame for marital strife. Couples tend to make the mistake of assuming their spouse will automatically know how they feel or understand what they're trying to say. Consider your words carefully during an argument or important discussion. Remember that your tone of voice and body language can belie your true feelings. To avoid seeming as though you are constantly pointing the finger, begin sentences with "I" rather than "You."

Love Can't Survive Without Trust

For a marriage to truly thrive, you must be able to unconditionally trust your spouse, and vice versa. Building trust requires that both members of the couple always be there for one another, and that neither lies nor breaks promises. Without faith in one another, a couple will not be able to withstand the onslaught of anger, jealousy, and suspicion that will develop.

See the World through Their Eyes

It's certainly difficult to disengage yourself from your own perspective and look at things from someone else's vantage point. But if that someone else if your spouse, it's crucial that you learn to do so. Try on their shoes for a little while, and you'll probably come to discover that what they want isn't so terribly different from what you're looking for after all. Respect them even when you disagree. If you lack a sense of empathy for each other your relationship will quickly atrophy.

Don't Lose Sight of Your Identity

Nothing makes for a stale, lifeless relationship like two people who insist on doing everything together. You probably wouldn't want to marry a clone of yourself-so give your spouse opportunities to pursue their own interests and hone their own skills which you may not share. If you don't give each other a chance to be individuals outside of your marriage you're apt to wind up smothering the personality that you fell in love with in the first place.

A fulfilling, happy marriage takes two people willing to invest a huge part of themselves in the other. But it should never demand that one or both lose sight of who they truly are or what they truly want out of life. Instead it should be a powerful connection between two people who genuinely trust one another and want to help the other be their best self and achieve their dreams.

Brent Crouch is the owner of BrentCrouch.com and the creator of MarriageEtc.com. He has dedicated this site for those interested in finding Free Information on all types of marriage related issues. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brent_Crouch

 

Is Love And Marriage Forever? - Part 1

David Seragih

 

On Judgement Day, all the people were queuing up to enter heaven. God decided to divide the people into three lines. The first line was for the men who were dominated by their wives while living on earth. The second line was for the men who dominated their wives during their lives on earth. The third line was for all the women. God looked at the first two lines and saw that one was longer than the other.

The first queue was really long and God was greatly disappointed to see that there were so many men who failed to fulfil their destiny set by God as the head of the household. Their lives were completely controlled by their wives. But God saw that there was one man in the second line. Finally, there was one man who lived up to his calling. God turned to all the men in the first queue and told them to follow the good example of the one man in the second line. However, God was really curious as to how he did it. He turned to the man and asked him for his secret formula on how he managed to control his wife and not let her dominate his life. The man turned to God and said, "I don't know, God. My wife told me to stand in this line so I obeyed."

Marriage is long instituted by God. It was created by God in the Garden of Eden. When God instituted marriage, it was not meant for Christians alone but for all people. King Solomon told us in Ecclesiastes 9:9 (New Living Translation) to "live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife, God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil". Clearly, even King Solomon understood the meaning of marriage and to live happily with the woman that God has rewarded you for you your hardworks. King Solomon wants us to enjoy the marriage that God has instituted in our lives.

Marriage is important to God and to use. It represents how God loves us and our relationship with God. The Bible likens us as the brides of Christ. If we say that our marriage is not working, then we are saying that our relationship with God is not working. All His marriage institutions then are failure. This is not a good representation of God's love for His people. There are many divorces in this world. We are Christians have a role to play and that is to show God's love is real. We must ensure our marriage is successful as it is our message to the world that God's love is real and our relationship with God is real.

Ephesians 5:22-25; Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

The Role and Responsibilities of a Husband

1. To be a leader. The husband is to be a prophet, priest and king to his wife. The husband is the leader and head of the household. As the leader and the head, men are called to have vision and to provide direction. Why is the man called to be the head? On the head, lie the eyes. The purpose of the eyes is to see far and near, to see ahead with vision. When God created the world, He created the man first and God gave man the responsibility of work to look after the garden and the animals. God left man with the accountability and command not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil before God created woman.

However, since sin entered the world through Adam, men began to fall away from God. Today, men are so busy working. They do not have time to pray. They do not have time to serve in the church. They do not have time to read the bible. They do not have time to provide spiritual food to their wives and children. How then is the man going to fulfil his role as the priest and king to his wife?

As the priest, the role is to lead the people of God into the presence of God. As the priest to your wife, your responsibility is to provide spiritual food and guidance to your wife, and to lead her into the spiritual presence of God.

A king always carries himself with dignity and authority. He is supposed to lead like the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit leads God's people. He does not drive or push the people to meet God's goals. The king rules the kingdom wisely and reigns among his people.

2. To love his wife. A wise and loving king will put his kingdom and people first before himself. Similarly, as the husband, you are to lead your wife and family but not by force or by thumbing your wife down. A wise and loving husband will govern his household wisely and reigns. His family will respect him and obey him as he puts his wife and family first before himself. A husband must love his wife, be willing to give of yourself and lay down your life for your wife.

Every time we backslide or sin, we grieve God. But He never gives up on us. He saddles us with His love and lovingly holds us in His arms. God remains faithful even if we are unfaithful. In every way, the husband is to be like Jesus who loves the church and gave of Himself for our salvation. In the same way, the husband is to love his wife and give of himself to her.

The Role and Responsibilities of a Wife

1. To be a helper to her husband. Genesis 2:28; And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."

God told Adam the reason why Eve was created. When God created the world, God said that everything He created was good. When He created man, He said that it was not good enough. God said that something was missing and it was not good for man to be alone. Although when God created Adam, he has a job to look after the Garden of Eden but God realised that it was not healthy for Adam to be alone. By being alone, Adam will not have a healthy character development. Hence, God created woman to be a helper and comparable in every way to Adam in order to assist him.

How then is the woman to help man to fulfil the visions and dreams given to him by the Holy Spirit? How is the wife to help her husband to see the visions and dreams from God? For the wife to be a helper, she must know the husband's vision. It is the husband's responsibility to share his visions and dreams with his wife. If your wife believes that the visions and dreams come from the Holy Spirit, she will believe in you. It is the wife's role to help her husband to achieve his visions and dreams. As a wife, you are to be a dream enabler, not a dream stealer or destroyer. You are to encourage your husband and to render help to make the visions and dreams come true.

2. To submit to her husband Ephesians 5:24; Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

The responsibility of a wife is to submit to her husband. When the Bible says that a wife is to be submissive to her husband, it does not mean that she becomes a slave, to be thumbed down, to be ordered around or to be abused. A wife is to be encouraging, supportive and helpful. In turn, she is to be loved, treasured and respected by her husband. As a wife, you are to submit to your husband in everything.

If a man is married to a woman, who is high powered, more educated than him, and earned much higher, he must do his duty as a husband and as head of the household before she is willing to submit to your authority. Think about it. If you first love your wife and shower her with your agape love, you will find your wife loving you willingly in return. Just as God first loves us, as husband, you are to love your wife first.

Why does marriage fail and Woman dominate over Man? Let's see in the part 2 Please visit Sermon Alive to get more http://www.sermonalive.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=David_Seragih

Marriage Lessons - A Golden-Anniversary Couple Share Their Wisdom

Richard Nicastro 

 

No matter how well your relationship is humming along right now, there's room for the advice of relationship mentors. Couples who have been together for many years (and who have been relatively happy, despite the inevitable rough patches) have discovered what has benefited their relationship the most. And they can help you do the same.

I recently interviewed Pete and Angie, a couple celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They were eager to share what has worked in their marriage. Here are some of the highlights:

Words of Wisdom from Pete and Angie

1. Angie: "Sometimes you will want to strangle your soulmate."

This statement speaks volumes and, of course, is not meant literally. It cuts through the overly romanticized and unrealistic notions that many couples hold about love and relationships. If your expectations about marriage or long-term relationships are unrealistic (based on a Hollywood depiction or the heady infatuation you felt early on), you will be let down and feel disillusioned about love. Love is often thrilling, but love also exists side by side with the more mundane realities of our existence.

Take-away: What allows you to hold onto the bigger picture, even when your soulmate drives you crazy?

2. Pete: "Respect each other, above all else."

Pete and Angie talked about respect in different ways. Angie stressed the importance of respecting each others' differences--whether these differences emerged as contrary opinions (e.g., your partner doesn't share the same religious beliefs as you) or differences in your personalities (e.g., Angie's talkative and social, Pete is subdued and a homebody).

Pete made the point of saying that it's also important that you never belittle or demean each other. While most of us assume that this type of respect is a given, it wasn't for Pete since he grew up in a family where verbal abuse was the norm (Pete and his mother were often victims of his father's verbal abuse). It was his determination to behave differently from his father that allowed Pete to change the course of his marriage.

Take-away: In what ways do you show your partner respect? How can you become more accepting of the differences that exist between you and your partner?

3. Angie: "We're in it for the long haul."

This is a great definition of commitment. A relationship without commitment is like a sailboat without sails--your relationship will flounder and drift, pulled by the tides instead of in your control. Commitment is the glue that keeps the relationship together and moving forward. Pete and Angie knew they wanted to grow old together and created a shared relationship vision.

They stressed the importance of building an atmosphere of teamwork and collegiality. Their relationship unfolded like a series of book chapters, many planned, others written by forces beyond their control. At times it was sheer commitment that kept them together--and they're glad it did.

Take-away: How do you show your commitment to your marriage or relationship? If your partner were interviewed, how would s/he describe your commitment?

4. Pete: "Speak your truth."

There is a certain freedom that comes with being able to speak your mind. Buried feelings and hidden resentments are less likely to fester when you speak your truth. A level of decorum and diplomacy, of course, is essential while communicating--whether your truth involves feelings, opinions or feedback to your partner. The challenge for all of us is to speak our truths in such a way that doesn't hurt the other and that allows intimacy to grow.

Take-away: Are you able to share your deepest truths with your partner? If not, what gets in the way? Does the energy you give off make your partner feel safe enough to speak her/his deepest truths?

5. Angie: "Find the middle ground."

Compromise and acceptance are vital for the success of any relationship. Angie believes these are some of the most important parts of a fulfilling, meaningful relationship.

She explained, "If you're unwilling to grow and change as a person, your marriage is going to fall flat on its face. In order to compromise, you have to give in and admit when you're wrong, and believe me, that's not easy. We all think we're right and the other person's wrong; I've learned to accept what I can't change about Pete and our marriage. I ask for things in a way that makes Pete more willing to compromise...He had to do the same. He's grown too."

When you and your partner work as a team, when you realize that you're both reaching for the same goals (albeit, in different ways at times), it will be easier to find the all-important middle ground.

Take-away: How good are you at compromising, at finding the middle ground? What steps do you need to take to become a more effective communicator? To become more effective at compromising?

I hope you're able to bring something Angie and Pete shared with us to your own relationship.

To receive FREE monthly tips on how to build the relationship of your dreams, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's Relationship Toolbox Newsletter. As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you." Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach and psychologist who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich is cofounder of LifeTalk Coaching, an Internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Richard_Nicastro

Don't Spitz Out! 3 Tips For Marriage CPR

By Joey Faucette

 

You know more today about Elliott Spitzer's marriage than his wife did last month. That's a scary thought if you're her, and also probably for you. Do you wonder about your own marriage?

Everything seemed fine to everyone around the Spitzers, maybe like it does to everyone around you. After all, who could ask for anything more? Money, prestige, power-the Spitzers had it all, right? If that's true, then why did their marriage "Spitz Out?" And how did it get so out of control? (Call girls?) All of which begs the question you're asking: "How can I keep my marriage from Spitzing Out?"

Having coached thousands of couples over three decades as a Marriage Coach, some of whom have had affairs, Dr. Joey Faucette says most wives and husbands want to stay married, but just don't know how to consistently keep their marriage vital and alive. They struggle with how to recover from relationship rips that tear at the heart of the marriage. The necessary healing never happens, their affections alienate, and they Spitz Out.

Like you, they're just not sure how to do Marriage CPR and avoid Spitzing Out.

There are some common characteristics that successful couples live into to perform CPR on their marriage. You can learn and live these tips daily so your marriage doesn't Spitz Out.

THE FIRST TIP: CONSERVE YOUR MARRIAGE

The heart of your marriage requires that both of you conserve your marriage just as carefully as the paramedics try to conserve your heart muscle and get it beating again when you suffer a heart attack.

How do you conserve your marriage's heart like successful couples do?

You make your relationship with your spouse a priority, of primary importance, first place among all of the other relationships. You take care of your marriage relationship first before you do anything else, making sure that it's beating enough to sustain the life of your marriage.

What does this look like in your everyday world?

Basically it means you don't give all of your "best self," your energy and attention to other relationships such as work. You Conserve your energy and attention so that when you come home at the end of the day, you have lots of your "best self" to share with your spouse.

When you give away your primary energy and attention to work or some other relationship, you replace your marriage as the priority relationship in your world. You commit emotional adultery, giving away to another without conserving enough of you to share with your spouse at the end of the day.

How do you know when you're in an emotionally adulterous affair with work? Answer these questions honestly:
1. How many days a week do I work so intensely that I can't carry my end of a conversation with my spouse?
2. How many weeks do I work more than 45 hours?
3. How many months have passed since I planned a special evening or get-away weekend with my spouse-just the two of us?

Your answers to these questions aren't intended to create a paralyzing guilt, but a motivating drive to change your habits. Your choices are:
a. conserve time, energy, and attention for your spouse, or;
b. Spitz Out!

As with any form of CPR, your immediate attention increases the survival rate. Don't delay by wondering if you're having an emotional adulterous affair with work or someone else. If your answers create even a suspicion you might be, act now like there is no tomorrow. What can you do to conserve your marriage?

Try these immediate actions:
1. Conserve your energy and attention today. Let others own their situations and problems.
2. If you've worked too much this week, take off early Friday afternoon and do something fun.
3. Call your spouse right now and plan an experience for just the two of you.

The first way not to Spitz Out in your marriage and stay married is to Conserve energy and attention for your marriage, treating your spouse as if he or she is your most important relationship. The C in Marriage CPR that prevents you from Spitzing Out is to Conserve energy and attention.

THE SECOND TIP: PRESERVE YOUR MARRIAGE

Do you remember how when you were dating, your spouse took your breath away?

When you decide not to Spitz Out so you have a healthy Marriage, you Preserve certain qualities in your relationship that you found so appealing when you were dating. You breathe life from your dating days back into your marriage.

Just as CPR for the body requires restarting the heart, your marriage Conserves and the heart beats again. Next, just as CPR breathes new breath into the lungs, so you Preserve your marriage with a new breath of life.

Your daily life seems intent on knocking the breath out of your marriage at times, doesn't it? There's so much that hits you marked "Urgent" or "Important" whether it's at work or at home. Fending off these blows is critical to not Spitzing Out in your marriage.

Here's how you can fend off those blows that knock the breath of your marriage and breathe life back into your relationship by Preserving your marriage:

1. If you sent your then-girlfriend-now-wife flowers at work on the monthly anniversary of your first date and she loved it, send her flowers at work on the monthly anniversary of your wedding or first date for a few months. I promise-she hasn't forgotten what you did while you were dating!
2. If you played golf with your then-boyfriend-now-husband at least one weekend a month while dating, do it again. If it's been awhile since you two played together, be prepared to call 9-1-1, but he'll recover. He hasn't forgotten what you did for him while dating!

Couples far too often relax after saying "I do," almost as if they say, "I'm done." They date each other hard, then put up the relationship as if they were finished trying. Breathe back into your marriage relationship those dating qualities that you remember and cherish. Get them out of your head as memories and into your everyday world as marriage savers.

The second way to not Spitz Out in your marriage and do CPR on your marriage is to Preserve your dating qualities in your relationship. Successful couples discover it prevents you from smiling and dialing call girls. The P in Marriage CPR that prevents you from Spitzing Out is to Preserve great qualities.

THE THIRD TIP: RESERVE YOUR MARRIAGE

Once you Conserve the heart of your marriage by making it the most important relationship you're in, and once you Preserve the breath of your marriage by breathing those dating qualities back into your marriage, then you are ready to Resuscitate your marriage. You Reserve time to live a great married life.

The time vampires constantly fly around your home, just waiting for a chance to suck the minutes out of your marriage. And the choices aren't always between "good" and "bad" things, but often it's between "good, better, and best."

When you do CPR on your marriage, you Reserve time for what's best for your relationship with your spouse. Now the obvious times to reserve are anniversaries and birthdays. Successful couples that don't Spitz Out do more than the obvious. Be creative. Here are four ideas you can implement almost immediately.

1. Celebrate the anniversary of your first date. Talk about what you remember of it. If you have children at home, tell them the story of your first date-at least the parts you want them to know about right now.
2. Reserve time for each other at least three evenings a week to talk. Your conversation doesn't have to be "heavy" navel-gazing. It can be about who you saw or spoke to today that you haven't seen in a while or what you ate for lunch that was delicious. Just communicate.
3. Reserve time and plan a date night weekly.
4. Reserve time to celebrate spontaneously by planning "Just Because" experiences. Every couple of months or so, have a "Happy Tuesday" celebration for no reason other than it's a Tuesday.

Time is a non-renewable resource. Once you spend it, that minute is gone. There is no second chance to recycle. Invest your greatest asset-time-in your marriage relationship.

The third way to avoid a Spitz Out in your marriage and stay married is to Reserve time for your relationship with your spouse. Successful couples find it keeps your intimacy delightfully intense at home. The R in Marriage CPR that prevents you from Spitzing Out is to Reserve time.

START YOUR MARRIAGE CPR TODAY!

Don't Spitz Out. Do CPR on your marriage:
1. Conserve the heart of your energy and attention for your spouse,
2. Preserve your dating qualities and breathe those into your marriage, and;
3. Resuscitate your Marriage by Reserving time to for each other,
and live hapily ever after!

Marriage Coach Dr. Joey Faucette has helped thousands of couples over the last three decades to avoid the emotional and financial devastation of divorce and discover the satisfaction and stimulation of Staying Married Forever. You go to the C.O.R.E. of your marriage when you live into the joy of Conflict resolution, the strength of how Opposites attract, the understanding of your Relevant issues, and the pleasure that comes with knowing how to Express yourself. Go deep into the C.O.R.E. of your marriage with Dr. Joey Faucette through Couple Coaching, the Ultimate At-Home Study Course, teleseminars, and other effective Stay Married Forever resources. Go to http://www.StayMarriedForever.org or call 1.877.4DRJOEY now. While you're at http://www.StayMarriedForever.org get your FREE CD of Dr. Joey's Top 10 Ways to Stay Married Forever. Look under Resources and get yours today. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joey_Faucette

Secret Five Of A Happy Marriage - Agree On Money Matters

Alex Blackwell

 

The following seven secrets have worked very well for over 22 years in my marriage and for many other couples too. Follow them, adapt them to work in your own marriage, and you'll be on your way to having what we all want -- a happy marriage!

1. Communicate

2. Meet each other's needs

3. Learn to resolve conflicts

4. Grow with each other

5. Agree on money matters

6. Love and respect

7. Maintain a commitment to the marriage

Agree on money matters
One of the leading causes of arguments and conflict in marriages is because of a difference in how money is perceived and handled. The real issue, however, never involves money per se. Fights over money are rarely about money in the first place. The fighting is just a manifestation of more general issues in the relationship and what each brings to the relationship with regards to attitudes about money.

We bring to our marriage our own individual money paradigm or money blueprint. The issues, both financial and psychological, that play into even the simplest disagreement over money are more than enough to cause tension. Ask yourself the following questions to determine the source of your money blueprint and the possible money conflict you are responsible for in your marriage:

Are you a saver or a spender, and which money style did you marry?
What does money mean to you -- freedom, security, adventure, and power, being taken care of?
How were you raised to handle money, to talk about money?
Do you trust your spouse to make good financial decisions, or do you feel the need to stay in control?
What does the word lifestyle mean to you and to your spouse?

From the list above, consider your attitude about money as well as that of your spouse. You may be proficient with understanding tax law and investment strategies whereas your partner is just plain-old frugal. Both are important skills and both are necessary in today's economy.

Therefore, rather than criticizing your spouse for his or her lack of 401(k) expertise you may feel is very important to the family's long-term financial success, celebrate the fact that your partner's frugalness may be the very thing that gets your family out of debt right now. Both are important so combine your financial strengths and attitudes to put up a better fight against the expenses you face now and in the future.

Another strategy to help you avoid "money fights" is to think like a financial unit. More importantly, try to stop thinking like Two and start thinking and acting like One.

For that, you need to agree on a set of shared goals and hopes and a few shared values. You may always have values that differ from your spouses, but you need to see eye to eye about certain aspects of your financial life so that your priorities are aligned and balanced.

Finally, don't let fights over money fester. There is no question about the necessity for having money in order to live the life you want to live. But be careful about what you choose to fight about. Is a knock-down money fight about a $50 purchase really necessary? Bad feelings and perhaps mistrust will ensure. What is the cost of that?

Next: Secret six of a happy marriage: Love and respect

Alex Blackwell is the author of The Next 45 Years - a website dedicated to sharing and creating happiness, life balance and success for the rest of our lives. To read more inspirational stories and articles, please visit: http://www.thenext45years.blogspot.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alex_Blackwell